Why is it difficult to change a difficult child’s behavior?
Every child is special. Every child is born differently. Parents raise their children and try to shape them, but they cannot completely change their inborn personality. As a result, parents are “stuck” with children who they may not connect to or like.
- What makes this mother feel so guilty about her child.
“My daughter is very demanding. She always wants something from me – a specific food or meal, a toy, sometimes it’s clothing and sometimes it’s just my attention. Sadly I try to avoid her when I know she is sitting in a room because I don’t want to be “attacked” by her wants… As her mother, I feel very guilty saying this.
- How does this girl greet her friends when they come to her house?
- How does the mother feel about her child?
“I hate watching my daughter interact with other children. She’s such a snob! When her friends come to our house and invite her to play, she can literally slam the door in their faces! I try to teach her polite manners but she still speaks very rudely. Oftentimes I apologize for her rudeness. For this reason, quarantine is a relief for me because people stay at home.
Here is a parent who values kindness and emotional intelligence, while her child does not. It is understandable why this mother has difficulty connecting to her child.
- Which children need the most guidance?
It is important to remember that parents are teachers, and should not just avoid their “undesired” children. Although this is a natural reaction, as parents, we have to remember that these children are in greater need of guidance. Parents need to teach how important it is to limit a child’s unpleasant begging or to teach their child how to speak respectfully to other people. Although it may be difficult, it will give their children the right tools to better function in society.
- What is naming and how can it help a child?
One good method of educating their children is to “name” an unwanted behavior. For example, a parent may say to their child, “I see you are frustrated but I am not available right now.” Although it is not an immediate solution, in time, just by continuously “naming” an unpleasant behavior lessens the child’s frustration.
- What should parents try to avoid when raising difficult children?
In regards to the “rude” child, parents should try to be persistent about coaching their child through appropriate social behaviors. Naming a child’s feelings (“You didn’t feel like playing with the girls, honey?”) will help the child become more sensitive to others over time. A parent should try to avoid long lectures or punishing the child. With care instruction and positive reinforcements, a child can move to a more acceptable behavior.
What else can a parent do to accept his unliked child?
It is also very helpful for parents to name his own feelings about their less desired child. This will eventually help them soften their feelings about their child and allow them to accept them much easier.